Humiliation is most often the purposeful behavior of a person, entailing a decrease in the level of value, significance and positive self-perception of another person. This can be carried out with a fully recognized goal or as a result of attempts to assert oneself at the expense of another. Humiliation can be a destructive form of upbringing, or it can be manifested by a personality trait that acquires a significant characterological influence.
For many, the question of how to survive humiliation is relevant, since it is often a psychological trauma and the starting point for the development of pathological psychological conditions. Survived humiliation can change a person’s behavior, force him to play it safe and expect a blow to his own conceit. Humiliation has the most destructive effect in childhood and affects the formation of the subsequent perception of reality and ways of contacting it.
Children, often subjected to humiliation, can grow up insecure and notorious individuals who are afraid to take up any business, consider themselves unworthy of love, support, rewards. But development by the principle of counteraction can happen, and then such a child, becoming an adult, begins to apply a degrading strategy of behavior to everyone around him, for him there are no limits and exceptions, since this is the norm for his picture of the world. To return an adequate response to the world after a difficult, complete humiliation of childhood, years of therapy are needed.
What is humiliation
Humiliation is on the other side of arrogance, and the more arrogant a person is, the more he is inclined to humiliate others. The desire to show oneself in an advantageous light knows no boundaries, and if this requires the denigration of others, then this will be done.
The sense of humiliation serves as a kind of regulator of social relationships. While humiliating another, a society or a specific person gives a message about shortcomings and discrepancy with expectations.
Humiliation of a woman by a man is perceived so painfully, in particular because it is almost a direct text about her inconsistency with his ideas. The need for modern man in social acceptance is almost equivalent to the survival instinct , therefore, any humiliation on the part of society is perceived as a personal threat to existence.
If a person has a very high opinion of himself, considers himself everywhere right, then a collision with his own inadequacy and humiliation for him can be a fatal test. It is because of the big difference between social perception and one's own that the whole personality structure and perception of the world as such can collapse. People who evaluate themselves adequately and critically, treat their own shortcomings with humor, are practically not subject to humiliation.
Humiliation can also be divided by the source of its origin. So, other people can humiliate, specially reducing the merits of a person, showing how much better and more successful they are. This is a deliberate humiliation, purposeful and a factor of influence from the outside. But internal preconditions of independent humiliation are also possible, when a person perceives the successes of others as his own failure, when he himself deliberately reduces his contribution or successes. For such a disposition of character, in order to feel humiliation, external factors are not needed, the person manages himself. If such a trait is not developed, then even the special influence of others, in attempts to reduce self-esteem, may be unsuccessful.
Why does a man humiliate a woman
Humiliation of a woman by a man happens quite often, many consider it the norm and pass by, someone is desperately fighting, but in order to counteract such a phenomenon, it is necessary to understand the causes of its occurrence.
One of the reasons for such male behavior may be an unconscious response to female humiliation, screaming, insulting or claiming. Negative statements very strongly affect the male psyche and immediately trigger protective mechanisms in it. Sometimes it can be a retreat into the dead of defense and silence all evening, and sometimes the degree of the situation is so elevated that the man immediately goes on the offensive.
Another unconscious motive for humiliation may be the desire to be right in everything and to reach agreement by any means. If the logical arguments for the woman are not significant, and the authority of the man is questioned, then the last resort to achieve his righteousness and satisfy his desire is to humiliate the woman, to demonstrate his own strength and significance.
This behavior can be the usual line of behavior that a man has learned from his childhood, watching how his father constantly humiliated his mother. A man raised in such a family simply does not know how to deal with a woman otherwise. It can also be a way to end a relationship when the courage to end everything is not enough openly, and the man chooses to make the relationship intolerable for the woman so that she herself leaves him.
But always only a man is to blame for the manifestation of degrading behavior, whether his actions are conscious or not. If once in a relationship a humiliating phrase slipped through him and instead of repelling, expressing discontent and other signs and that it was so unacceptable, the woman bent down, fulfilled what she wanted and said nothing about her own negative feelings, then the conclusion would be made that it was so possible. The man will not guess about the inner experiences, especially if the woman continues to be silent from time to time and wait for him to understand. In such behavior, he sees only that such treatment has an effect on the fulfillment of the necessary. Learning over a long period of time about the inadmissibility of such treatment, a man is extremely surprised at why it was impossible to report earlier.
It can also be a displaced need for power, which cannot be obtained at work or in a way to relieve the nervous tension received during the day. This need is compensated for at home, commanding a woman, putting herself above her.
Some men deliberately destroy the self-esteem of women by humiliation and even build special tactics for this. This is all done for fear of losing a woman from the fact that she is stronger in character or from her own failure. In any case, a man spiritually weak and incapable of an open and honest dialogue, frankly building relationships and with deep psychological problems applies humiliation to a woman.
How to avenge your husband for insults and humiliation
When a woman thinks about how to survive the humiliation, the idea appears that only revenge will help to feel relief. Behind any desire to avenge lies lost energy and a thirst for justice, but it may turn out that in any case, forgiveness will come. It is necessary, first of all, to honestly answer to yourself exactly what you want. If you return the time spent or make sure that he was wrong, then revenge is powerless in these cases, it will only inflame your emotions. It is necessary to find something that will calm your soul and fill it. Perhaps for this it will be enough for the man to ask for forgiveness - then he does not need to scratch the car, but directly and honestly say about his own feelings and grievances, as well as about the need for his apology. There will be more calm after this, but this step takes courage at times more than mischief anonymously.
Before you develop a plan for any revenge, you need to take care of your own safety and exclude the negative impact of the steps taken on your own career, communication with friends and your own emotional state. If the first two points can be more or less calculated and secured, then your own psyche can fail. The fact is that as much energy is spent on revenge as on help, self-healing. While there is a thirst for revenge, a tremendous amount of energy is given, and after perfect retribution a feeling of emptiness and dissatisfaction can settle. Even worse, many people sit down on the adrenaline shake that occurs with the body during the invention and implementation of a revenge plan. In such situations, the suffering of another does not improve one's own perception of the world. This is comparable to taking alcohol to warm in the cold - at first there is a feeling of warmth, but in the end the body freezes several times faster.
One way to avenge and not greatly upset your emotional balance is to start communicating with men who behave differently. Do not make romantic intrigues, but simply accept signs of attention, thank you out loud and in expanded form for the help and courteous attitude. When the husband observes that his woman is blooming next to others, he will begin to monitor exactly what actions such a reaction is going on, and a feeling of jealousy will hurt his pride. The option is optimal, because you not only take revenge, but also show your spouse possible solutions. In addition, fuel your self-esteem .
Any humiliation is aimed at manipulating and reducing self-esteem , and the best revenge will be to disrupt such plans, that is, you need to organize your life in order to be as happy, successful and independent of the attacks and harsh statements of your husband. If he resorts to humiliation, then other methods have ended, and the inefficiency of this method will make him fight in hysteria. Many after this end their relationship, not being able to recognize for others the right to their choice and happiness, but there are those who are aware of the limits of their capabilities and go on an open dialogue.
Why does a wife humiliate her husband
In many ways, the reasons why women humiliate their husbands are the same as men's. This primarily includes the system of relations in the parental family and the soaked upbringing style. Perhaps if not in the family tradition, but in further public places (school, institute, work), the woman was subjected to frequent humiliation, then she would spread this communication style and carry it further in her life.
Many, in this way, receive emotional discharge, relieve excess tension or receive lack of attention. After the defeat at work, a woman may well react too strongly to her husband’s shortcomings. Doubts and a decrease in one's self-esteem can also be perceived quite painfully and require drastic measures of recovery. And if at this moment there are no suitable conditions for pampering and appreciating yourself, to raise your level, then this is achieved by lowering the level of another. To carry out such manipulations with unfamiliar people can be dangerous, but with the closest ones there are great opportunities. In justification, it can be said that such trends work unconsciously and disappear with the correction of provoking factors.
Of the conscious motives for humiliation of a husband, there may be inherited communication control systems. Many women believe that if a man is constantly praised, then he will relax and will not do anything, degrading personally and morally. In this case, humiliation is a perverse way of caring and demonstrating the love and desire of all development of the spouse. What kind of results this has is difficult to predict. A person with adequate self-esteem and brought up in a prosperous family is unlikely to endure such treatment for a long time. And for someone who has been humiliated since childhood, this can become a familiar and native form of interaction, the only one of which is understandable.
Also, a woman can humiliate a man if she is unhappy, angry or receives little attention. That is, globally, it’s not he who’s really bad, but she’s so bad that she wants to blame her husband for it. But humiliation can also occur when there is no more love or respect for the husband, nor the value of what he does. Usually this behavior is no longer possible to fix, and the marriage is gradually dying.