heartache photo Mental pain is emotional suffering, unpleasant and painful in its sensations for a person. Mental pain is also referred to as mental body pain and is considered a loss of survival potential. Often it is much more dangerous than bodily diseases, because it causes disturbances in the work of all internal organs and provokes malfunctions throughout the body.

How to deal with heartache?

Emotional suffering develops when an individual is worried about a life event or is very worried about a loved one. Mental pain is often inherent in a person when his personal ideas do not coincide with what is happening in reality. This is because significant experiences leading to depression are due to patterns formed in the human brain, and the reality is not what the individual expects. All these frustrations lead to emotional distress.

Mental pain by a person can be experienced both explicitly and secretly when a person suffers, but does not admit to himself in this.

How to deal with heartache? A person copes with heartache in several ways. In one case, mental pain moves from a conscious sensation to a subconscious and the individual mistakenly believes that he no longer suffers. In fact, what happens is that a person simply avoids the pain, and transfers it to the subconscious.

If an individual is inclined to demonstrate his actions and feelings, then this means that he gives vent to his emotional pain. A person in such cases begins to consult with friends and acquaintances, seeks salvation in eliminating the root of the problem.

For example, if a relationship with parents causes mental pain, then a person is looking for all possible ways to find a common language with them.

If a person chose a method of avoidance, then this method is expressed in not recognizing the problem, often the individual says that he has everything wonderful and does not even recognize himself in his personal experiences. In this case, mental pain persists, turning into an implicit, subconscious form. It is very difficult to cope with this condition, it is painful for a person, much more emotional than open confession, as well as speaking the problem out loud.

How to get rid of heartache

It is very difficult to get rid of hidden pain, it is characterized by a protracted (for years!) Course. At the same time, a person's character and relationships with others change. A person with heartache begins to attract negative people, gradually changing the level of acquaintances, or completely abandons them, forever excluding communication with people.

Often emotional suffering does not allow an individual to create, work, it torments him, and a person often does not understand what is happening to him. Certain situations can remind a person of those moments that caused pain many years ago in his soul. This is due to the fact that emotions were driven into the subconscious many years ago, so a person cries and worries, not fully understanding what is happening to him, for example, after watching an emotional scene from a movie. In those cases when it is not possible to cope with mental pain on your own, the help of a specialist or a close person who is ready to listen to you is needed.

Heartache after breaking up

Psychological reactions to a breakdown with a loved one have much in common with a reaction to physical loss, namely, the death of a loved one. Mental pain after parting with a loved one can drag on for many months and years. During this period, a person is keenly worried. Experiences include the stages of indignation, denial, and pain.

Initially, a stage of denial arises, which manifests itself in a person’s subconscious refusal to objectively treat the gap and be aware of the end of the relationship.

The mental pain after parting is aggravated by the understanding that there is no longer a loved one, and will never be there again. At that moment, when a person realizes and accepts reality, he will cease to suffer. This understanding does not come overnight. The duration of this period depends on the continuation of contacts with the former lover. To easier and faster to pass this stage of mental suffering, psychologists advise to abandon all contacts, as well as get rid of all objects reminiscent of past relationships.

The period of denial is replaced by a period of hatred and resentment, for which the former lover is accused of all sins and the offended person seeks revenge, especially if the reason for the breakup was treason.

Psychologically, this is understandable: blaming another person is much easier than admitting part of your guilt to yourself in such a situation. This stage is marked by the emergence of an emotional block: there is a loop on negative experiences, which significantly prolongs the period of psychological recovery. At the next stage of a life crisis, experiences of lost time in relationships that were in vain develop. Such experiences are accompanied by fear of loneliness, as well as the uncertainty of the future, the fear that it will not be possible to build new relationships.

Most psychologists are inclined to believe that tears, suffering, and meditation alone are an indispensable as well as a necessary part in overcoming this life crisis. There is nothing wrong with the fact that you want to cry. Allow yourself to suffer and cry - this will bring relief and lead to recovery.

If, nevertheless, a decision was made to break up, then you should not restore lost relationships, and for this reason give yourself up to sad memories, make calls, and also meet. This will only slow down and make it harder to overcome emotional suffering.

Women often need more time than men in order to forget about their former partner, because for women, love for a man is the most important part of life. For men, the priority in life is often work, as well as career. In addition, it is usually easier for men to find a new partner.

Psychologists advise, left alone, to engage in personal development . If, however, within two years, the mental pain after separation is disturbing, then it is necessary to consult a psychologist or psychotherapist who will help in solving this problem.

Severe heartache

Edwin Schneidman, an American psychologist, gave the following unique definition of heartache. She does not look like physical or bodily pain. Mental pain manifests itself in experiences that the grieving person often causes.

Mental pain, filled with suffering, is an expression of the loss of the meaning of life. She is marked by torment, longing, confusion. This condition is caused by loneliness, grief, guilt, humiliation, shame, fear of inevitability - aging, death, physical illness.

Removing the cause of heartache helps eliminate the cause of suffering. If the cause of emotional suffering is the negative behavior of a person regarding you, then in this case it is necessary to eliminate these causes, and not to quench your emotions about this person. For example, if you have any troubles with your boss that provoked a heartache, you should work on relations with him, and not on your emotions and how you feel about it. Find a common language or quit.

If emotional suffering is caused by an incorrigible situation (illness or death), then you should work on the perception of reality and your emotions.

Mental pain lasts from six months to a year with the loss of a loved one. Only after this period of time do psychologists advise building a new relationship in order not to repeat the old mistakes.

How to relieve heartache? You must admit to yourself that an unpleasant situation has already occurred. This can alleviate your condition.

Second, survive the period of pain and recover. Next, we are building a new future, but without these circumstances or this person. For example, without a beloved job or a loved one. Mentally build everything in detail as you live on. Often, the real world becomes in a person what he himself sees in his imagination.

Often, severe mental pain hides under other masks and is confused with anger, disappointment, resentment.

How to survive severe heartache? Find people who are worse off than you. Take care of them. This way you switch from your problem.

Master the system of proper breathing: with a long breath and short exhale. Proper breathing can help your body cells recover quickly, strengthen the nervous system.

Every day, say something pleasant to people, positive emotions will also be transmitted to you.

Observe the regimen of the day, get enough sleep, this will help restore nerve cells.

Distract from the experiences of dancing, jogging, walking, push-ups, exercise. Sign up for a massage.

Avoid the return of intense mental suffering. Scientists are inclined to believe that a person is depressed for a quarter of an hour, and the rest of the time he creates mental suffering for himself, prolonging and aggravating them. Therefore, the ability to not return mental pain again, which is facilitated by situations from the past that provoked experiences, is of great importance.

Views: 90 978 Commenting and posting links is prohibited.

142 comments on “Heartache”

  1. Hello! I want to share my problem, which I can not handle in any way. My conscience torments me for a very long time for what I did or rather they forced me (I had no strength to deal with this). I'm still a minor. That's the problem ... It all started with my BEST girlfriend. To her great regret, she became a non-traditional woman (14 years old) (she did not like the boys, and she had a crush on girls). And I became one of these girls. She sought me in all sorts of images. And at one “beautiful” moment I did not have the strength to fight her eternal addiction and I succumbed to feelings. In a word, she kissed me. And now I am very tormented by conscience! Highly! I committed a sin and my soul hurts because of my stupidity. I never went to church for communion and I am ashamed to tell my parents. I am ashamed! It’s a shame to even write about such a thing .... (Sorry for the mistakes! Thank you for your attention

    • Hello, Alexandra. Blame yourself for what happened is not necessary. Think of it as an experience. Often, young girl friends train with each other in the skill of kisses (for future relationships with the opposite sex).

    • Hello Alexandra, if a girl kissed you, this does not mean that automatically, you turned into the same as she. What happened to you is called temptation. In this or another sphere, it is inherent in people as the sad result of the fall of man. You need to go to the temple, do not hesitate to go to confession. Look around in the temple to find a priest who would suit you, at least determine by appearance. Say don’t be afraid of what your conscience reproaches you with. The result will be, believe me. After that, live on, and do not look back, you should not care about that. Meet a guy, start a family, kids). I wish you happiness.

  2. I am 22 years old. I study in Yekaterinburg, I myself am a nonresident. Toward the beginning of the new school year, it turned out that they did not give me a place in the hostel. There is no place to live, one must learn. A friend helped me, who offered to live in his one-room apartment. I agreed, since I had no other choice. The first couple of weeks everything went fine, but then I realized that I liked my neighbor (although I knew this before), and later it turned into a heavy form of love. One-sided feelings tear me apart from the inside. I told my friend about my feelings, but nothing changed from this, except for the appearance of tension between us. I was trapped. I can’t move out and try to be away from him, because in this case I’ll just be on the street, and at the same time I can’t overcome feelings while being around. What to do with this, I just can’t imagine. Can you help me please?

    • Hello linaria. We recommend that you do not fight with your feelings inside yourself, if you resist them, it will only become worse on the soul. Try to switch to other guys, even if you don’t feel like it. With a guy, do not touch the topic of feelings anymore and he will decide over time that you have calmed down. There was tension between you because the guy cannot reciprocate. Continue to live in his apartment and focus on study (session soon).

  3. Hello. I have such a situation. With a man had a relationship of 12 years. Loved much, but he was a coward and does not want to admit it. When our relationship began to falter, he began to demand all the gifts back, took everything down to underwear. Although he had no less gifts and equivalent. Insults began to pour in. Time has passed, and I have such a void inside that no matter what I fill it with, I still return to the starting point. Neither travel, nor friends, nor a hobby helps anything. Before his eyes he stands. And utter confusion, how could he do this?

    • Hello Albina. We recommend that you switch to other men and stop worrying about your failed past relationships. “He stands before his eyes. And complete bewilderment, how could he do this ”- He did as he usually does. Just for you, such qualities in character are not acceptable. You and the ex are different, so you should not regret it.

  4. Hello, I will be grateful for the help. Together with my husband, we live 3 years. At the time of our meeting, he was married, but divorced to be with me. He is the best person in the world in relation to me, I did not think that you could love that way. And I also love him endlessly, but here one day he declares that he has become disappointed in me, has almost stopped loving, does not want to live with me, but he immediately said that he is not driving me, lives with me out of pity. My husband is very wealthy, fully contains me, and to my question, what will we do now, he said so and we will continue to live, and the horror began. Yes, we live together, he also provides me, we sleep in the same bed, but there is no intimacy, we don’t talk, only on domestic issues, although it happens that he speaks and laughs and kind of thaws. To my question, what is the reason for the disappointment did not answer. I'm just quietly losing my mind. I love him, he is the dearest in life. What to do? How to build a relationship? He has a child and I have from pre-marriage. He treated my child very well, sincerely, and here he said that he didn’t want me to bring my daughter, because he sees his only on weekends. Grandmother has a child and thank God that she does not see this nightmare. The situation has been dragging on for 2 months now. We live like this. Help! How to save a family? All my attempts to build relationships are like a wall. He said he didn’t want anything. This has never happened before. He says that he doesn’t want anything, that it’s better to die, but many people will suffer. Lord, I'm just losing my mind. Tell me, can a man live out of pity? In my opinion this is just absurd. And it lasts a month. And I don’t know how long it will last. I will endure everything, if only he thawed.

    • Hello, Natalia. Your great desire to save the family is understandable, but in order to know in which direction to move, you need to know the reason, what is wrong, what the spouse does not like. If the husband does not have intimacy, this is a signal for alarm, it is worth considering.
      Try to understand his male psychology on your own, observe him, study his habits. At this stage, you can adapt to the lifestyle of your spouse and thereby try not to annoy him, you should also become the right person for him and try to share his interests.
      Out of pity, more often live wives with unloved husbands, and men (a small percentage) can live out of a sense of duty.
      We recommend that you familiarize yourself with:
      / muzhskaya-psihologiya /
      / chto-glavnoe-v-otnosheniyah /
      / krizis-srednego-vozrasta /

      • Hello Natalia, the fact that he met and divorced you does not allow him to live in peace. You must understand that at the beginning of your relationship there was a passion, and mutual from two sides. Time passed, the man realized what he had done, because the family had collapsed. Perhaps he loved or still loves his family, so he feels a sense of regret. Are you painted with him, or just live in a place? Let him go, this is the only chance to make amends for yours and his family.

  5. Hello Olesya, the fact that your husband has such a health problem is, of course, an unpleasant situation. Maybe you should try, take the baby from the baby’s house, or from the orphanage. How many babies are left without parental love. Find with your husband the strength to take and give, at least one of them your love, support and protection. It is clear that this is a very responsible step, but if you do not try, you will reproach yourself all your life for the fact that there was at least a small chance to experience maternal happiness, and you did not use it. The husband needs to try to explain that life is not eternal, he will grow old with time, his strength will leave him, and in his old age there will be no one to worry about him, to give a glass of water.
    Olesya if you are a believer, at least a little, come to the temple, sincerely pray from God with a pure heart that he will help you in your difficult task, and He will really help you, and heartache, will go from where he returned.
    I sincerely wish you, get rid of your emotional burden, and feel that unique ease of life to which we are called by God.

  6. I have a second marriage. When she got married she was happy and was waiting for a long-awaited pregnancy, but the pregnancy did not come ... They lived together for 7 years. My husband has infertility, a chance for IVF of 20%. Donor child does not want categorically. I was all exhausted, really want a baby. (he also wants, but he probably understands that it won’t work out and somehow he put up with it, but I can’t) I am 37, after a couple of months 38 is already the limit, but I never gave birth. She began to feel worse about her husband, she began to eat herself, that she did not make the right choice and, in turn, that he had hidden his infertility from me and constantly rejoiced with hopes that he would undergo treatment soon and we would become pregnant.
    I can’t live with it ... I'm tired. I'm afraid to break firewood. I can not forgive him and stay without the desired baby. How to be !? Mental pain drowns out consciousness, interferes with life.

    • Hello, Olesya. The situation is complicated. You can understand your desire to have a child. While there is still time, it is necessary to think how it is still possible to solve this problem. It makes sense to go to a family psychologist with your husband so that the specialist helps you and your husband sort out the problem (so that the husband finds out how important it is for you to have a child, that you are unhappy in relationships because of the lack of the opportunity to realize yourself in motherhood) and contributed to making the right decision.

  7. I’m 35, in childhood (about 5 years old), older boys made me do things that I didn’t have to say out loud about the day. Parents found out, but chose not to make a fuss. Further substance abuse, psychotropics, criminal records, terms. In the direction of the hospital was a diagnosis of F 18-26. For a long time I was sure that I was communicating with the aliens in my head.
    When passing the commission in the military registration and enlistment office, they gave a certificate: The legally competent Art. 117 B. I consider myself a mental cripple. Mental pain sometimes leads to bouts of deaf crying, resentment. But there is no one to tell and discuss. I can’t do that anymore. Help!

    • Listen, it’s very sad indeed what happened to you. It is unfortunate that you have no one to help. It is clear that this is not for everyone to tell. You will turn to God, tell him everything, all your pain, see how it will become easier for you. Just close your room and talk. It’s even better to go to church in your city, better to go to the gospel and speak with a minister or pastor. They will pray with you. Many were so healed and freed. I wish you success!

      • God does not help anyone, why are you fooling a person to a person, do you have a conscience?

        • Hello Sergey, was it your experience that you established yourself, or did someone tell you?

    • Artemy hello, if you still want to chat, write to lukanovmg (dog) mail.ru

  8. Hello! I am 29 years old. Survived a breakup with a guy. They met for 6 years, it was going to the wedding, but the guy started endogenous depression. After six months of torment and fruitless attempts to help, I ended the relationship. Six months later, there were new short-term and unsuccessful relationships, where they left me already. Now another six months have passed and I more or less accepted and survived the past, but I am tormented by a strong pain of loneliness. In general, she torments me even after the first parting. At first, I had the idea of ​​fixing, finding a compensatory relationship, which led to a disastrous result. Now I delve into introspection and self-development with varying success. I can work productively, but I understand that I can not do anything with the pain of loneliness. I can be distracted, but occasionally fall into despair. It turns out rarely to be happy. There was self-doubt and distrust of people + fear that I could not meet my man. A calm state is replaced by panic and this process cannot be controlled. Relationships have always been in the first place for me and I just can’t learn how to appreciate what is and enjoy an independent life. I would be grateful for any tips. Thank!

    • Hello, Eugene. Compensatory relationships are not able to make a person happy.
      Do not be afraid of loneliness, spend this time on self-development and you will surely bring your person to your world.
      “A calm state gives way to panic and this process cannot be controlled.” - Support your body with herbal teas (mint, lemon balm), soothing tinctures (motherwort, valerian).
      “Relations have always been in the first place for me” - This is wonderful, just now you should let go of the situation and enjoy loneliness, in which there are a lot of delights, think only about a good one, about your happy future, smile, even if you don’t want to.
      We recommend that you familiarize yourself with:
      / kak-izbavitsya-ot-odinochestva /
      / kak-nayti-svoyu-lyubov /
      / kak-privlech-lyubov-v-svoyu-zhizn /

      • Thanks you. In difficult times, such words help a lot. The links are very handy, saved, I will re-read in crisis moments)

    • Hello Eugene. Read the book “Five Masks, Five Injuries” by Liz Burbo.

  9. The factor of the appearance of mental pain and the ease of overcoming it does not depend on gender, and in this case, it is wrong to treat the situation stereotypically. Each person is unique, and each has its own pain threshold. Not a single psychologist will give an exact recipe if he will approach stereotyped situations that occur in people. Yes, in many ways they are similar, but the manifestations and perceptions of the situation are all individual. I will say for myself, I could not get rid of the mental pain and I have to somehow live with it. At times, there comes a period of the return of memories, which is given away by pain on a physical level, is quite felt. It’s easy to understand the situation, find a reason, it’s impossible to forgive a person if you are not to blame for anything, and he blames you for everything, although it’s entirely his fault. Of course, you can do something else, some other distracting affairs, without enthusiasm, but this does not save. Thoughts and memories always come back.

    • Probably, it was not your man, console yourself with this. I have a similar situation, we broke up after 2 years of a tumultuous romance, mostly at a distance, he blames me for what was not there, and it offends me that he thinks so of me and cannot prove anything. Yes and whether it is necessary? The second month after separation, I feel such anguish and suffering, it seems that it will never end. But I console myself with the fact that it was still not my man. Those who truly love do not do this. You need more communication, I think so, it saves me, even all sorts of comments there, communication on social networks. And you need to learn to control your thoughts, not go deep into them and drive them away, try. Better yet, if a decent time has passed after the breakup. Do not go in cycles. Sorry and let go. Read other recommendations, for example, I found in Google 6 steps after parting. I wish you success! I hope at least a little help 🙂

      • Thanks Larisa. Only in my case is unrealistic to forget. You can hate it, but the pain will not go away from this, but even vice versa. I have to see my ex-daughter with my ex, they did not give her to me, and this makes the pain even worse. I tried a new relationship. It all comes down to the fact that there is no longer trust, and the relationship is falling apart at my request. I just live .. Whatever happens.

  10. Hello, my name is Galina. I want to share my experiences. Never before have I experienced such heartache. I am 45 years old. She was married twice, two adult children. About 10 years I did not have a serious relationship, so, from time to time there were relationships with men. You can say none. And recently a man met me in the subway, we began to meet, according to him this should have been a long time, but not for a single day. He was married twice too. And I asked him if he would like to return to his family, the answer was no. But it turned out that he did so, and very unexpectedly, sharply. All in one day. He said that he was fine with me, but I have no chance. And he didn’t really explain what happened, it was a shock. I didn’t think it would be so hard for me. It turns out that he fell in love with himself, and then decided to return to his family. Tell me how to survive this period and is it worth it to seek explanations from him?

    • Hello, Galina. The point is to seek explanations from a man if he made a final decision for himself. Now you need to think about how to cope with this situation and recover as quickly as possible mentally. It is required for you to realize and make his decision, to mentally thank the Universe for those wonderful days that you were together and let it go. After all, all this might not have happened. Remember what Mark Twain wrote: “We will only regret two things on our deathbed — that we loved little and traveled little.” When you are free from these relationships, your heart will be free and will wish for new relationships, you will certainly attract them with your desire.
      We recommend that you familiarize yourself with:
      / kak-perezhit-razryiv-otnosheniy /
      / kak-zabyit-cheloveka-kotorogo-lyubish /
      / kak-privlech-lyubov-v-svoyu-zhizn /

  11. I am 54 years old. All my life I dream of love. But even in her youth, she could never talk to guys, much less to meet - as if it were shameful for me. And as if it would cause a grin in people. She married at 28 years old a man from a dating service. But he turned out to be a drinker, a year later I left him, because I could not bear it. She gave birth and raised a son. And so I can’t meet, love - the reason is the same. I have never experienced a man’s love for himself. If sometimes one of the men tells me something good, I am sure that he is pretending or taunting me. From loneliness, depression has been going on for 10-15 years already, I didn’t immediately realize it, I just didn’t have the mood, I didn’t want anything, I didn’t want to see anyone, etc. Now depression makes itself felt in long bouts of longing, anxiety. I can not feel joy. There is no feeling of pleasure. As if there was no strength. Saw four years ago reksetin and something else for sleep. I could not sleep for two days and did not even yawn. Then she fell, 2 operations on her knee, then my mother died. Life has become completely bleak. I turned to psychologists, but depression does not go away. I do not know how to handle this. What should I do, tell me?

    • Hello Irina. Psychotherapists help to cope with fears and depression. Psychologists work with borderline conditions or the norm, so you did not feel the result. We recommend that you contact your therapist for your problem.
      We also recommend that you familiarize yourself with:
      / kak-stat-smelee /
      / kak-privlech-lyubov-v-svoyu-zhizn /

    • Irina, I want to advise you on WONDERFUL DIARIES !!! Reread John of Kronstadt !!! (such a man lived, he is canonized!) Believe me. I live with extreme mental pain. The strongest !!! And I am learning to rejoice HER! Believe me. His diaries will make you brighter. Thanks for attention.